


Escape

by baggypantsman



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internal Conflict, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-05-24 09:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14952251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baggypantsman/pseuds/baggypantsman
Summary: After a particularly bad encounter with her father, Natsuki finally makes the push to report his abusive behavior. Now, she can live a normal, worry-free life... right?





	1. Escape

Moonlight fell through a large hole in the roof, illuminating the otherwise impenetrable darkness with a pale blue glow. Natsuki shivered and tightly wrapped her makeshift blanket around herself. She was seated next to a broken window, shards of glass scattered around her on the wooden floor. Under the white curtain she was using to keep warm, her pink nightgown was torn and dirty. The only sounds to be heard were her sharp breaths and occasional sobs - not enough noise to draw her from her memories.

_He’s home. Drunk. Angry. He stormed into her room. She was asleep. Beaten. Screaming. Splintering wood. Tears and blood flowed freely. He left. She didn’t sleep again._

Natsuki snuck out that night; she stuffed a few essentials into a purse, climbed out of her window, and ran barefoot down the street. She didn’t know where she was going, but didn’t care. She just ran, the night air cold against her wet cheeks. Natsuki simply couldn’t continue living in the place she called home.

After a while, she found an old wooden house on the outskirts of town. It was one story and clearly abandoned; the grass in the yard almost reached her knees and a window on one side had been busted open. She knocked on the door anyway, and after receiving no response, tried the knob to find it locked. That was to be expected, but Natsuki had held on to the hope that she wouldn’t have to get in through the window. She went around the side and carefully climbed inside, brushing past a set of white curtains while being mindful of the broken glass around her. She still ended up cutting her foot which drew a wince, but it was only one of many wounds to scar her that night.

The cupboards and refrigerator were empty, and there wasn’t any furniture. It was also weirdly bright despite the lack of lighting. Natsuki glanced up and saw why; part of the roof was missing, revealing a full moon directly overhead. A chill in the air spread goosebumps across her skin. She pressed her arms against herself and looked for something that could protect her from the cold, her eyes finally resting on the curtains. She pulled them down and wrapped them around herself. Under the moonlight, Natsuki sat on the floor by the window, and the gravity of the situation suddenly came crashing down on her.

She shook with gasping sobs. Why couldn’t she have just had a normal life? Where she could have gone to school, hung out with her friends, and maybe met a boy without having to explain what happened to her face? She couldn’t even get help. If she had went to anyone, papa would have found out, and he would have killed her, she knew it. But was this hell called life worth living at all? Natsuki almost laughed at the implication of that thought. She could never commit suicide, she was too much of a coward. But then what could she do? Keep suffering? She was trapped.

Or was she? Natsuki took a deep, shuddering breath and wiped her eyes. She was sitting in a cold, decrepit house in the dead of night. Her face and body were bloodied and bruised, and she was mentally and physically exhausted. She might just die there if she didn’t do anything. What did she have to lose? Nothing whatsoever, given her present situation.

With shaking hands, Natsuki took her phone out of her purse. What she was considering went completely against her instincts, but she felt something within her, a faint glimmer that had sparked to life. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but she recognized it as hope. With one call, she could have the normal life she dreamed of. Papa would get what he deserved.

She entered the emergency hotline number into her phone, but her finger hesitated above the call button. This was a risky, all-or-nothing move. Papa had always warned her not to say anything or there would be consequences. What if he broke out of prison and came after her? What if the police didn’t believe her in the first place? Natsuki fiercely shook her head to clear her mind. These doubts were stupid and irrational. Of course the police would believe her; she herself was the evidence. She just had to be brave. This was, without question, one of the most difficult choices of her life, but it would change things for the better. At least, that is what she hoped. Without thinking any further, she pressed the button, and felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Tears leaked from her eyes, but they weren’t of sadness. Finally, she could be free.


	2. Persevere

The police picked Natsuki up from the ruined house where she had taken refuge. Her injuries were severe enough that she ended up being escorted to the hospital where she passed out from exhaustion. The next morning, she woke up in a hospital bed with sores and bruises. At least she could still get up and walk around with minimal pain.

For breakfast, a nurse brought her a rare delicacy known as ‘eggs and toast’ which was swiftly devoured. Not long after, two policemen appeared and asked if she was able to answer some questions, to which she responded positively. She was ushered down the hall to a very plain room; a small table stood in the center with one chair on either side, but the room was otherwise bare. This was a rather informal setting for an interview; Natsuki supposed that they just wanted to get a better idea of her situation. One led her in while the other waited outside, shutting the door behind them. The policeman gestured for her to take a seat while he sat opposite her.

“Alright, Natsuki,” he began, his voice gentle, “I have some questions I would like to ask you about last night. Is that okay?”  
“Yeah.” She didn’t want to recount the events of the previous night and relive those memories, but she knew it was necessary. She just had to get it over with.  
“Okay. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, we can stop.” Natsuki nodded in affirmation, and the policeman produced some papers and looked them over before continuing. “Firstly, I would like to know, has this happened before?”  
Natsuki deeply sighed. She couldn‘t believe she was actually about to speak out against papa. “…Yes. Many times. But last night was the worst.”  
He jotted something down. “What exactly happened last night?”  
She just had to push through. “I don’t remember everything… he came home, he‘d been drinking… he went into my room… I was sleeping, but he - he hit me, and grabbed me and threw me against the wall, and, and he-”  
The policeman held up a hand to stop her; already, she could barely speak through the heavy emotion that had overcame her while she was talking. Her façade of composure had crumbled completely under the weight of the memory as well as her internal instinct not to tell on papa.  
“Take your time. Do you want to continue?” he asked.  
She couldn’t. It hurt too much, more than she had thought it would. She flushed and shook her head.  
“It’s okay,” he reassured her. “It’s completely natural to have a hard time talking about such a traumatic experience so soon after it happens. We can talk about it another time. Before we leave, however, I would like to tell you one thing.”  
Natsuki wiped her eyes and looked at him expectantly.  
“You did the right thing, coming to us about this. We’ll handle everything from here, okay?” He gave her a smile which she weakly returned along with a nod.  
“Alright. Let’s get going, then.” The policeman stands and holds the door open for Natsuki as they exit the room.

The incident had occurred Friday night. It was now Monday morning… a school day. Natsuki was unbelievably anxious. A tiny, amused part of her thought that this must be how Yuri felt all the time. When she left the hospital, she had been jumped by a news reporter. Thankfully, she had been with the officer who had interviewed her (or had tried to, at least); he quickly shooed them away. This meant that her classmates - no, the whole school - would know what had happened to her; she had caught the attention of the local news. Everyone would be coming to her with questions, but she wasn‘t ready to talk about it. If she tried, she would just break down into a blubbering mess. She considered skipping class, but that would only draw more attention to herself on Tuesday. She just had to suffer through today and hope that she was eventually forgotten.  
…  
All eyes were on Natsuki as she walked down the hall at school, but no one said anything to her. There were some low whispers being exchanged, but it was still uncomfortably quiet. She was wearing a lot of makeup to cover the discoloration around her face and liked to think that it was doing the trick, but she knew better. She stopped in front of her locker and fumbled with the combination. Her palms were getting sweaty. Finally, it swung open. Natsuki grabbed a few textbooks, slammed the locker shut, and hurried to class, her footsteps the only sound breaking the silence. She couldn’t deal with everyone gawking at her. It was almost worse than being bombarded with questions.  
…  
As the bell sounded the end of class, Natsuki relaxed. She had made it through without any unnecessary attention being drawn to herself. The day wasn’t over yet, though; now it was time for the Literature Club, which was an entirely different ordeal. Natsuki liked her friends and all, but she really hoped they wouldn’t be stupid and make a big fuss over her. She just wanted to be treated normally from here on out. She refused to be haunted by papa for the rest of her life. 

Natsuki headed upstairs and paused outside of the clubroom. She was a little late, so everyone else should already be there. Steadying her nerves with a sigh, she stepped inside.


	3. Maintain

Before Natsuki could react, she was tackled with a tight hug. She groaned and tried to push away her assailant, but to no avail. “Jeez, Sayori, get off of me!”  
The normally bubbly girl was already crying. She shook her head no and held on tighter. “N-Natsuki, I’m sorry, I-I can’t believe-”  
“Sayori…” Monika had walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. “I know you’re happy to see Natsuki. We all are! But I think the last thing she wants is for all of us to be crying over her. She‘s probably been getting that all day, actually.”  
The club president looked at Natsuki for confirmation, but she avoided eye contact. Monika had hit the nail on the head with her first statement, but was dead wrong with the second. She was more like a sideshow attraction to her classmates than someone they pitied.

Monika frowned at her reaction before squeezing Sayori’s shoulder. “Come on, Sayori.”  
She reluctantly released Natsuki and stepped away. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was running - she made for a pathetic figure. She looked like she wanted to say more, but instead quietly stepped back, leaving Natsuki soaked in tears and possibly mucus. Monika gestured for her to take a seat while she followed Sayori to her desk.

Managing to fake a smile for the others, Natsuki made her way to her own desk which was unfortunately next to Yuri. She briefly considered sitting somewhere else, but no - normalcy was the plan. Everything was to be normal from this day forward. Natsuki plopped into her seat. 

They exchanged brief greetings, after which Yuri unmistakably hesitated before looking away. Natsuki held back a snide remark; clearly she was about to be pressed for information, and she would literally be unable to talk about it. A few seconds later, Yuri turned back to her.  
“Um, Natsuki…” she began.  
The younger girl regarded her with a raised eyebrow, and Yuri started fidgeting nervously.  
“I just wanted to ask… are you okay?”  
It took Natsuki a moment to register the question. Yuri just wanted to know if she was okay. Was she? Not really. But was she actively suffering? No. She felt a surge of relief and appreciation; her friend respected her privacy and wasn‘t going to pry.  
This time, her smile was genuine. “Yeah. I’m okay.”  
Yuri gave a small smile of her own. “That’s good to hear.”  
“Okay, everyone!” Monika spoke up. She had been talking to a melancholy Sayori by her desk, but now moved to the front of the room. “How about we start sharing poems?”

Oh, right. Poems. Natsuki hadn’t written one. She had been kind of distracted.  
While everyone else rifled through their bags, she quietly approached the club president. “Hey, Monika… sorry, but I don’t have a poem for today.”  
She waved it off. “Oh, that’s fine! You don’t need to worry about it. I understand.”

Natsuki was grateful that Monika accepted her tardiness without question, however justified it was. She also noticed something: Monika had been making an effort to avoid the elephant in the room. She might have referred to it indirectly a few times, but she hadn’t actually _addressed_ the reason why Natsuki didn‘t have a poem. That was thoughtful of her, but Natsuki wasn’t put entirely at ease by this because it probably meant that she would want to talk later. At least for now, she could relax.

It wasn’t long before pieces of paper were being exchanged. Natsuki, paperless, was approached by Monika. After the awkward small-talk that always occurs beforehand, she took the poem from Monika’s extended hand and looked it over.

_Chains_

_I thought I saw you_  
_I thought I heard you_  
_Now what is there to do?_  
_Just be there_  
_And show care_  
_For who I never knew_

_It’s too late for me, but you can move on_  
_These chains will never give way_  
_You can’t be held by these restraints of mine_  
_Go and find your special day_

When Natsuki finished reading, she paused then went over it again…  
She was definitely the subject of the poem. Assuming she wasn‘t reading into it too deeply, Monika felt guilty that she hadn’t been able to do anything for her. But what could she have done? This was Natsuki’s problem, the others didn’t need to concern themselves with her.

“So, what did you think?” Monika asked. Her innocent smile betrayed nothing.  
Natsuki folded her arms across her chest. She wasn’t sure how best to respond. “It was alright, I guess.”  
Monika‘s expression dropped. “You guess? Is there something you didn’t like about it?”  
“No, no,” Natsuki hastened to reassure her, “I just… don’t really have anything to say. I think it’s nice.”  
The smile returned. “Oh, okay! That’s fine. You got the message, right?”  
Natsuki felt awkward answering that question, but there was no point in playing dumb. “Yeah, I think so.”  
“That’s good! We could talk about it later, if you want.”  
That offer practically threw all subtext out of the window: Monika wanted to talk about the incident.  
“Oh, um, sorry, today is a busy day,” Natsuki blurted out. That was stupid.  
If Monika was in any way disappointed or suspicious of the lie, she didn’t show it. “That’s okay, maybe another time.”

Natsuki returned the poem and Monika went to meet Yuri who was at Sayori‘s desk. The club president seemed a bit off today, maybe a little too chipper. Actually, that was it; Monika was trying too hard to be upbeat and positive, probably for her friends’ sake. Natsuki would have questions to answer sooner or later, and considering that the simplest of inquiries caused her to completely break down, she wasn’t looking forward to it.


	4. Discuss

Natsuki watched Sayori stand up, grab a piece of paper, and approach her. With her head lowered, she practically dragged her feet across the floor. She had had occasional off-days in the past, and this seemed to be one of them. _And it’s probably because of me,_ Natsuki thought, suppressing a grimace.

Sayori stopped in front of Natsuki’s desk and slightly raised her head. She was still downcast, but the floodgates were hopefully intact.  
“…I’m sorry about earlier,” Sayori said after a moment. “I didn’t mean to get you all wet.”  
“Whatever, it’s fine,” Natsuki replied. “By the way, you shouldn‘t say it like that. That‘s gross.”  
Sayori gave her a confused look. “Huh? What do you mean?”  
“Nothing, never mind. How about that poem?”  
Sayori meekly handed it to Natsuki who began reading.

_Your Happy Place_

_Flowers are pretty_  
_The sunshine is nice_  
_Breakfast is yummy_  
_My friends are alright_

_If you pick flowers, they die_  
_The sun always sets in the end_  
_When my plate‘s empty, I cry_  
_Who can you really call a friend?_

_Flowers grow back!_  
_The sun will rise again!_  
_I could get snacks!_  
_Friends are there ‘til the end!_

_I know it’s hard_  
_But put your trust in me_  
_There’s a happy place at the end_  
_Where you will one day be_

This was actually really nice. Sayori’s writing was always either happy and cheerful or incredibly depressing, and today proved to be on the positive side. Natsuki also couldn’t help but feel that this poem was, like Monika’s, inspired by her situation. Sayori was telling her to push through these hard times.

Natsuki gave the paper back. “This is pretty good! I like how it jumps from happy to sad then back to happy.”  
Sayori smiled bashfully. “Thanks… I wrote it because of you, you know.”  
Natsuki froze. Sayori _would_ be a stranger to subtlety. “Y-Yeah?”  
“I just want you to know that I’m here, if you ever want to talk or anything.”  
Oh, God. Not her too. Natsuki swallowed. “Okay. I’ll keep that mind.”

With a nod, Sayori returned to her desk. At least she didn’t seem to be pushing for the chance to speak with Natsuki. Actually, it seemed more like Sayori wasn’t going to press her at all. Natsuki sighed with relief. She had just assumed the worst, which was something she realized she had been doing a lot lately. She would have to cut back on that.

Yuri was the last to share her poem with Natsuki. She sat in her usual spot next to her, the paper clutched in one hand.  
She held up the poem. “Here you are…”  
Yuri seemed anxious, but that was normal. Natsuki took it and mentally prepared herself as she always did before reading a Yuri poem.

_The Storm_

_Lost in the fog, the ship could not find its way home. No matter where she looked, all the captain could see was an impenetrable wall. The wind was beginning to pick up and the ship would rock as it was struck with waves. A storm was brewing._

_It had begun to pour. There was no escaping, no preventing the coming disaster. Lightning scorched the sky and thunder shook the Earth. The future was grim._

_Resigned to her fate, the captain stood at the helm of the ship and gazed into the nothingness. Amidst the fog, a faint glow caught her eye. Gleaming with hope, the beacon beckoned to her. She set course for the light, her worries abated. The world grew brighter, the shoreline became visible, and the disaster was an afterthought._

_The captain burst forth into the blinding light, and we were reunited at last._

Now, Natsuki got along with Yuri and all, but she still couldn’t stand her writing. She could appreciate the thought that went into it, but as far she could tell, this was a short story about someone lost at sea. And what did the ending even mean? Who was telling the story? Natsuki just didn’t understand this vague crap.

She didn’t say that out loud, but she did ask about the ending.  
Yuri almost looked amused. “Well, Natsuki, you must know my writing style by now.”  
She sighed. “Yeah, it’s all metaphorical, I get that. But what does it mean?”  
“That is something you have to figure out for yourself.”  
Yuri had to be teasing her. Natsuki groaned in frustration and read the poem again, but still wasn‘t getting anything out of it.  
“Think about the major elements of the story and what they could represent,” Yuri suggested.  
That didn‘t help. “The only element I see here is water.”  
“Not that kind of element,” Yuri said in a lightly chiding tone, “I meant the most important details. What stood out to you?”  
Natsuki skimmed it again. “The storm and… the light?”  
“Correct. The captain is prominent, as well. Now, what happens between these three elements?”  
Natsuki could almost believe that she was still in class. Yuri made for an okay teacher when she was talking about literature. “The captain is caught in the storm, and then she sees the light and follows it to shore.”  
Yuri, clearly pleased, gave her one last prod, “So, what do you think that could represent?”  
Wracking her brain, Natsuki stared at the poem and sank into deep thought…

Oh. _Oh._ Apparently, she went three-for-three in inspiring poetry. Natsuki didn’t really like everyone writing about her, but she definitely wasn’t going to bring it up.  
“Okay, I think I got it,” she said, and Yuri leaned forward in anticipation. “The ending is still a little confusing, but I think… you’re the light?”  
Yuri blinked. “Ah - I suppose that’s one way to interpret it.” After a pause, she nodded. “That works quite well, actually.”  
Natsuki allowed herself a smile; she had successfully figured out one of Yuri’s poems, though she literally had to be given a step-by-step process.

After Natsuki handed the poem back to Yuri, Monika returned to the front of the clubroom. “Okay, everyone! Are we all finished?”  
The girls nodded.  
“Great! That’s going to be it for today, so I’ll see you all tomorrow!”  
While the others gathered their things, Natsuki was quick to start packing her own bag. She had a sneaking suspicion that Monika was going to grab her before she could leave. Zipping it shut, she slung the bag over her shoulder and made for the door.

“Hey, Natsuki, wait!”  
Damn it.


	5. Invite

Natsuki stopped mid-step at the sound of Monika’s voice and turned to face her.  
“I almost forgot! I have something to ask you - actually, to ask all of you,” she said. Sayori and Yuri looked up from their bags.  
“And that is?” Natsuki asked, not sure what to expect.  
Monika smiled brightly at everyone. “How would you all like to come to a party at my place this Saturday?”

Sayori gasped. “A party? _Yes!_ I love parties!” She happily skipped around the room like a kid on Christmas morning. You wouldn’t think that she had been crying her eyes out earlier.  
“Oh… a party, you say?” Yuri was less enthusiastic. She looked hesitant, but gave a resolute nod. “I suppose I can go.”  
Natsuki was immediately suspicious. “What brought this on?”  
Monika regarded her with a playful expression. “Well, my folks are going to be out of town over the weekend, so I thought, you know, why not!”  
Sayori paused her celebration to teasingly wag a finger at Monika. “Naughty, naughty, Miss Club President! Throwing a party while your parents are away? You should be setting a good example for the rest of us!”  
Monika laughed. “What, a girl can’t have some fun every now and then?”

It was obvious to Natsuki that Monika wasn’t throwing a party for no reason. It was probably to cheer her up or maybe celebrate her reaching out for help, but Monika wouldn’t outright say that. Whatever the case, Natsuki didn‘t think going would be a good idea. A lot of students from their school would be there, and she might just break down if anyone tried to talk to her about papa.

But no. Natsuki couldn’t continue to be held back by her father. Not anymore. He was gone, out of the picture, and she would live a normal life. That included going to parties.  
Natsuki shrugged. “Sure, I’ll go.”  
“Great!” Monika said with a grin. “The party will start at six o’ clock Saturday evening.”  
“Will there be snacks!?” Sayori could hardly contain her excitement.  
“Of course!”  
“Yay!” she cheered. “I hate having to bring my own ‘cause I always eat them along the way.”  
“Somehow, I’m not surprised,” Natsuki said. She had seen Sayori eat, but she had never seen her get full - the girl was a black hole when it came to food. Natsuki also ate a lot, but for other reasons.  
“Anyway, yeah!” Monika said. “Six on Saturday. Don’t forget!”

Everyone nodded assent, said their goodbyes, and filed out of the classroom. The school day was finally over. The club meeting had had more focus on Natsuki than she had liked, but in the end, maybe that had been inevitable. It was done, and that was the important thing. However, now she had this party looming over her head.

Natsuki already felt the anxiety creeping up. This was a bad idea. She would draw the attention of every student, and there would be a lot of them. Someone would be bound to talk to her about her father because that’s what you did at parties; you talked to people. She would freeze up and cry and it would be a horrible experience. She never should have agreed to go.

Natsuki shook her head to clear her thoughts. She was assuming the worst _yet again_ when she should have been thinking positively. Her past-self usually knew better than her present-self, so she just had to trust her own judgment. Maybe she should actually try to enjoy herself at the party? Relax and have fun for once? Hopefully she had it in her.

The days dragged on leading up to Saturday. Natsuki tried to get back into the groove of school life, but it didn’t feel quite the same… it felt wrong. The other students were looking at her differently, but she couldn’t tell what they were thinking. In the literature club, every poem she read seemed to relate to her. Was she losing it? Was everyone else normal and she was just messed up in the head?

That couldn’t be it. Natsuki held on to the belief that she just had to adjust to life without papa and everything would fall into place. She was used to being perpetually on-edge, wary of the repercussions of her actions. Papa had brought nothing but misery to her life and she was glad that he was gone. All she had to do now was adapt and everything would be fine.

Saturday arrived sooner than Natsuki thought possible, and by five o’ clock, she was tenser than ever. She dug through a cupboard in the bathroom in search of makeup, but realized that she didn’t have any bruises to cover. With a sigh, she figured she could probably use some anyway.

Natsuki grabbed a purse - _the same purse she had had on that night_ \- and threw it over her shoulder. Before leaving, she paused in front of a mirror and examined herself. No markings, scrapes, nothing. A little bit of makeup, but not too noticeable. It definitely wasn’t as much as she used to wear. The outfit she had on was one of her favorites - a light blue T-shirt and a fluffy pink skirt.

Her expression caught her attention; with her jaw set and eyes hard, she looked grim. Natsuki tried a smile and found it convincing enough, so she committed ‘smiling more’ to memory.

Just relax. Have fun. Everything would be okay in the end.  
It was time for the party.


	6. Recur

Monika’s house was within walking distance, so Natsuki didn’t have to worry about getting a ride. As she walked down the street, she took a breath and sighed. It was a nice night. The evening air was pleasant, not too cold or too warm. It helped rest her nerves a little, but she still couldn’t shake the feeling that she was going to regret this.

There were already several cars parked in front of Monika’s house. The front door stood open, lighting up the lawn, and Natsuki could faintly hear pop music as well as a bunch of people talking. With one last mental push, she briskly walked up to the doorway and stepped inside.

When Natsuki entered the room, she was faced with a sea of people, way more than she had thought would come. Their conversations didn’t die completely, but Natsuki could swear it got a little quieter. It was to be expected considering that most of the people there were students from her school. They hung out in small groups, many of them drinking from Styrofoam cups as they lounged on the couch, sat at the large dinner table, or as most did, just stood in the center of the room. Trying to avoid meeting the looks that were no doubt coming her way, Natsuki scanned the room for one of her friends from the literature club.

It took a moment, but amidst a mob of socialites, Natsuki caught a glimpse of Monika’s face. She looked relaxed and amiable as she chatted with the others, like dealing with all that attention was easy. However, she was wearing that smile again. Natsuki didn’t know if it was just her, but Monika had been acting oddly static over the past week. She was perpetually upbeat and always saying the most generic happy crap when before, she had been a normal person who had emotions besides happiness. Monika had to be putting on some sort of front, because no one was really like that.

Natsuki’s stomach turned at the thought of pushing through the crowd, but she should at least let Monika know that she had arrived. As she made her way over to Monika‘s circle of friends, she kept waiting for someone to stop her and say something stupid, but it never happened. That was relieving, but it probably meant that she was being ignored - or avoided? - instead. Whatever. This really wasn’t any different than how things were before.

As Natsuki came closer, Monika caught her eye and excused herself from the circle, weaving around someone to get to her.  
She grinned. “Natsuki, hi! I’m glad you could make it!”  
“Hey, Monika. This is a pretty big party, isn’t it?” Natsuki asked. “I mean, there’s a lot of people here.”  
“The more, the merrier, I say!” Monika was in a cheerful mood. Big social occasions were her natural environment, after all.

“Yeah…” The claustrophobic setting was already getting to Natsuki, so her mind turned to comfort food. “Where are the snacks?”  
Monika shook her head sympathetically. “Sorry, but you’re too late. Sayori got here first and I just wasn‘t prepared for her appetite.” Natsuki gave her an incredulous look and she laughed. “Just kidding! I actually haven’t put them out yet. Everyone showed up early!”  
“The others are here?”  
“Yep! I don‘t know where Sayori is, but…” Monika looked around and then pointed across the room, “Yuri is right over there.”  
The shy girl stood with her back to a wall and a book held against her chest. She stared at the mass of people in front of her and just looked lost.  
“While I get the snacks, maybe you should go talk to her,” Monika said. “She’s been standing there for a while.”  
Natsuki nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

While wading through the partygoers, Natsuki raised her hand to get Yuri’s attention, but she wasn’t tall enough to be seen. She finally emerged next to Yuri who jumped in surprise, but relaxed when she saw who it was.  
“N-Natsuki? Hello…”  
“Hey, Yuri. What’s up?”  
She smiled lightly. “Oh, I’m just enjoying the party.”  
“Really?” Natsuki asked. “That’s not what it looks like. I take it you don’t like all the people?”  
Yuri hesitated, then gave a brief nod. “I don’t normally attend parties, but… I thought it would be a good idea to get out of my comfort zone for a change.”

Before Natsuki could approve of Yuri’s decision, she paused as something occurred to her. In her own situation, she wanted everything to be normal, for no one to acknowledge what had happened… why? Because it didn’t matter. Or was it because it was most comfortable for her? Should she consider going against her inclinations and dealing with the repercussions of last week’s incident?

No. Because there were no repercussions. Everyone was already back to treating her as they always did, so everything was normal. Natsuki was free to move on with her life.  
“Natsuki?” Yuri’s voice drew Natsuki from her thoughts.  
She blinked. “Huh?”  
“You were zoning out… are you okay?” Yuri looked and sounded concerned, which was stupid. There was nothing to be worried about.  
“Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” Natsuki shrugged it off.  
_“Hey, guys!”_ a distinctive voice called out. The girls turned to see Sayori balancing a plate in each hand, both of which stacked high with desserts. “It‘s snack time!”  
Natsuki was relieved; she needed some comfort food.


	7. Break

One plate of cake and ice cream later, Natsuki was feeling better. Since she had nothing else to do, she leaned against a wall on the outskirts of the party and people-watched. Yuri, who was similarly lost for activities, stood next to her. What _should_ they have done, talked to the other partiers? Please.

“Get a load of this guy‘s hair,” Natsuki said out of the side of her mouth, nudging Yuri and gesturing at a guy with long, red dreadlocks. When Yuri didn’t respond, Natsuki glanced at her and was confused by the expression on her face. “What?” she asked.  
Yuri blushed and looked away. “Ah… I just thought that was somewhat hypocritical of you.”  
Natsuki’s confusion increased. “What do you mean?”  
“Well, considering your own hair…” Yuri trailed off.  
Natsuki turned to face Yuri with her hands on her hips. “Are you saying my hair looks bad?!”  
“N-No! Not at all!” Yuri quickly reassured her. “It’s just… it stands out a little.”  
Her hair stood out? That wasn’t good news for Natsuki; she didn’t want to attract any unnecessary attention. Maybe she should do something with it to make her less noticeable.  
“Really?” she said, crossing her arms. “…I guess that’s a fair point.”

Natsuki saw Monika walking around the party greeting people, cracking jokes, and generally making everyone feel comfortable. She appeared to be completely at ease, but Natsuki was observant.  
She watched as a boy with short, dark hair stopped Monika. “Hey, Monika! Remember me?”  
Tapping her chin with one finger, Monika eyes widened in realization. “Hisato?”  
He grinned. “That’s right!”  
Monika pulled Hisato into a hug. “Oh my gosh, it‘s been a while! Two years, right?” She held him at arm’s length and beamed. “How have you been?”  
“I’ve been great!” Hisato said. “I just happened to be in the area and heard you were throwing a party, so I thought I’d stop by and say hello.”  
“How nice! I know you’re busy with work and all, but…”

Natsuki started losing interest in the conversation because overly enthusiastic social interaction wasn’t her thing. It was too disingenuous. However, she was pulled back in when Hisato made a faux pas.  
“So, where’s Masaru?” he asked while looking around the room. “You guys didn’t get hitched without inviting _me,_ right?”  
Natsuki cringed. Hisato must not have been keeping in touch.  
Monika shook her head sadly. “Actually, we broke up about a year ago.”  
“Oh, shit, really?” Hisato said. “Sorry, I didn‘t mean-”  
“It’s okay,” she reassured him, “you couldn’t have known. And don’t worry about me, I’m fine!” Monika smiled to prove it, and Natsuki had a moment of recognition; that was _her_ practiced smile.

What was wrong with Monika? Clearly, she wasn‘t truly happy, but she didn‘t want anyone to know what she really felt. With a sinking feeling, Natsuki realized that unless she was utterly oblivious, this had only started after her incident. Monika was unhappy because of _her._ God, could she do anything in her life without messing something up? 

“Natsuki?” For the second time that night, Yuri interrupted Natsuki’s thoughts. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look pale…”  
“Um… I think I need some more food,” she lied. “Do you want anything?”  
“No, thank you,” Yuri said with a small smile, but she still looked concerned.

Plate in hand, Natsuki walked - not too urgently - through the crowd and toward the kitchen. If she remembered correctly, there was a bathroom on the other side where she could be alone for a moment. She needed time to deal with the wave of stress that was coming over her. Suddenly, she bonked her head and stumbled.  
“Ow!” a male voice yelped. Natsuki looked up to see that she had just ran into someone - a boy from her class, probably about the same age as her.  
“Sorry,” she mumbled, making her way around him. However, he put a hand on her arm to stop her.  
“Hey, aren’t you Natsuki?” he asked.  
Someone who wasn’t ignoring her? Natsuki would have been pleased, but felt like this only meant one thing.  
“Yeah…” she said reluctantly.  
“Man, I heard about your dad. That sucks.”

What the hell was she supposed to say to that? It wasn’t like it mattered, though, because when she opened her mouth, no sounds came out. Just like the last time that papa was the subject of conversation, she couldn’t speak. Why couldn’t she just move on? Was she seriously so pathetic as to be held back by her father even after his incarceration? The fact that this guy had heard about her was unsurprising; it was a given that everyone at school already knew about Natsuki’s fucked-up life.

“Hello?” he said, giving her a curious look. “Anybody home?”  
She couldn’t even tell him to shut up, go away, or anything. Her frustration, anger, and grief culminated in the tears that sprang to her eyes. She knew this made her look even more weak, but that’s because she _was_ weak. That’s all she was.  
The boy frowned. “Uh, are you okay?”  
And that was all she heard from anyone. Everyone wanted to know if she was _okay._ Of course she wasn’t. It was obvious to Natsuki that she would never be okay.  
Now other people were staring at her, talking about her. She had successfully caused a scene and was ruining the party. Check that off her list of recent screw-ups.

A sound escaped her throat; a choked sob. Suddenly, Natsuki was bawling. She ran, pushing through the mob of onlookers. Surely, they had to have seen this coming. She had just been blinded by denial the entire time, thinking that everything would be better. Everything would _not_ be better. Never again. No, everything would be _worse._

Natsuki found herself in a bedroom. Probably Monika’s. She fell onto the bed and hid under the covers, her tears soaking the sheets. She was shaking, but it wasn’t cold. Her life was officially over. After such a display, Natsuki could never show her face in public again.

She lost track of time. At some point, someone tapped on her shoulder. Natsuki grudgingly poked her head out from under the blanket and saw that it was Monika. The lack of light coming in through the window meant that it must have been late. Natsuki couldn’t hear any music, either, so the party was over as well.  
Monika wasn’t even hiding her unhappiness. Her hair was disheveled and she looked like she had also been crying. “You can sleep here for the night,” she said wearily. “I’ll sleep in my parents’ room.” With that, she left Natsuki to drift into an uneasy slumber.


	8. Reflect

As the hour grew late and neither of her parents had returned, Natsuki was becoming concerned. They had been gone a while, and she had never been alone for so long without a babysitter. Hopefully nothing bad had happened to either of them.  
To pass the time, Natsuki relaxed on the couch in front of the television and went channel-surfing. She might as well take the opportunity to stay up later than usual.

Maybe an hour later, the slam of a car door outside snapped Natsuki’s mind out of a television-induced daze. Before she could think to hurry to her room and pretend to sleep, Papa threw open the front door. Natsuki could quickly tell that something was wrong; he was red-faced and breathing heavily as he leaned against the doorframe. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought that he was drunk, but as far as she knew, he didn’t drink. Whatever the case, he wasn’t going to be happy about her not being in bed.

Her father saw her sitting in front of the TV and loudly sighed.  
“Papa?” Natsuki asked as he started toward her. “Where-”  
He slapped her and she cried out, falling back on the couch.  
“Why the hell are you awake?!” he yelled, spit flying from his mouth. “You should be in bed!”  
“I-I’m sorry, Papa, I-”  
“Come here,” he growled. Grabbing Natsuki by the shoulders, he roughly dragged her through the house to her room and pushed her onto her bed. “Just _sleep.”_ He slammed the door behind him.

Natsuki clutched the sheets tightly, tears leaking out of her eyes. Her father sometimes yelled at her when she messed up, but never before had she seen him like that or had he ever laid a hand on her. She knows she shouldn’t have been watching television, but he had seriously overreacted. What was wrong? Was Mama okay? These thoughts plagued Natsuki, but she wouldn’t dare ask Papa that night.

…

Mama never came home. The next day, Papa apologized for what he did, but his late-night outings became a recurring event, sometimes several nights a week. His vented frustrations with Natsuki grew in intensity and aggression. Slaps turned into punches, scolding made way for berating and blaming.

_“You’re such a pain,”_ he would say. _“Just do what you’re told.”_  
_“If you’re gonna be like that, I’ll never make you dinner again!”_  
_“Don’t you dare talk back to me, Natsuki.”_  


Suddenly her head was spinning. She couldn’t focus. His voice got louder.

_“Shut up and quit being such a little bitch!”_  
_“You never should have been born.”_  
_“Just kill yourself, for everyone else’s sake.”_

Natsuki snapped awake. Her face and pillow were wet and her breath came in sharp gasps. It seemed that even in her dreams, she couldn’t escape.

It took Natsuki a moment to place her dark surroundings; she was in Monika’s room. This realization was accompanied by the crushing memory of last night, and she bit back the urge to scream. Whenever it appeared that things were getting better, she fucked up just in time. She had ruined the party. She had made Monika cry. She was _worthless._

A clock on the wall revealed that it was around 3AM, but Natsuki doubted she could fall back asleep if she tried. Even if she could, did she want to? Not if she was going to start dreaming about Papa.

Natsuki groggily rolled out of Monika’s bed and looked around the room. A pink dresser with a mirror stood against one wall, and a closet took up the other. Natsuki stopped in front of the mirror and stared at the husk of a girl she saw before her. She looked exhausted, her hair was a mess, there was nothing in her eyes; no sign of the girl who had originally come to the party, but it was still Natsuki - it was the _real_ Natsuki.

Yuri and Sayori had no doubt seen her breakdown, too. They wouldn’t ignore this like they had been avoiding mentioning her issues before; it would be the first thing they talk about the next time she saw them. Should she avoid them? The only time Natsuki saw any of her friends was at the literature club. If she dropped that, the odds of them meeting her again would be slim.

Natsuki realized that she was incredibly tired and thinking nonsense. She should really try to sleep, even if she dreamt of hell. She stumbled back into Monika’s bed, pulled the covers over herself, and laid her head back onto the pillow.

Morning light peeked through the blinds of the window. Natsuki didn’t even feel like she had fallen asleep; she had blinked and it was the next day. The smell of bacon caught her attention. Monika must have been making breakfast, possibly in another attempt to cheer Natsuki up. It wasn’t like she would say no to food, though, so Natsuki got out of bed, grimaced at the fact that she was still wearing last night’s outfit, and made her way to the kitchen.

Monika, clad in pink pajamas, stood in front of the stove, frying bacon. There were already a few plates of scrambled eggs and toast as well as some plastic cutlery on the table. She turned at the sound of footsteps and smiled, but Natsuki caught the pang of emotion that briefly crossed her face.  
“Good morning, Natsuki! Help yourself!” she said, gesturing at the spread of breakfast on the table. “The bacon is almost done.”  
Natsuki grabbed a plate of eggs, a plastic fork, and ate. She didn’t talk while eating, mainly because Papa had hated it, but she also didn’t _want_ to talk. Last night was obviously on both of their minds, and it wouldn’t be long before Monika brought it up.

Natsuki’s host served up some bacon, took a plate of her own, and sat across from her. The two of them ate in silence for a few blissful minutes, then sure enough…  
Monika dabbed at her mouth with a napkin and cleared her throat. “Natsuki,” she said gently, “I think we should talk.”


	9. Talk

Nothing could prevent the flood of anxiety that rushed through Natsuki’s veins when she heard the words she had been dreading for the past week. She tensed up, gripping her plastic fork tightly. A one-on-one conversation about last week, Papa, and her _problems_ \- Natsuki knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it. Just like with that police officer, or that boy from the party, she would fall apart for no freaking reason.

Seeing Natsuki’s clearly unhappy state, Monika pressed her lips together and glanced away, looking almost… ashamed?  
“I’m sorry.” Her words were nearly inaudible.  
What? Of all the things Natsuki had expected Monika to say, that was low on the list. What did she have to be sorry for? Natsuki was the one who had messed everything up. It was all _her_ fault. If anything, Monika should be yelling at her, not apologizing.

These thoughts ran through her mind, but Natsuki could only manage one word. “Why?”  
“I could have… I don’t know. I should have been there for you.” Monika still refused to meet Natsuki’s eyes, which helped her feel a little less nervous, but she knew she wouldn’t last long.  
Natsuki mustered up the resolve to defend herself. “Don’t worry about me. I’m not your problem,” she said through gritted teeth.

Monika looked back at Natsuki, her emerald eyes shining. “Natsuki…”  
“No. Stop.” She wasn’t going to listen to this. She _couldn’t_ listen to this or she would crack.  
“I understand-”  
Overtaken by a sudden rush of anger, Natsuki slammed her fist on the kitchen table. “You _understand?_ What do you think you understand, Monika? You have no idea what I’m going through!” Monika reached out, but Natsuki batted her hand away. “Don’t touch me!”  
Monika shrank back in her chair. When she spoke, her voice wavered, but was determined. “Natsuki, I want you to listen.”  
“I don’t wanna hear it.”  
“Natsuki-”  
“Shut up!”  
“Masaru would hit me.”

Natsuki’s mind blanked. _What did she just say?_  
That couldn’t be right. She would have known. Monika would have told someone. Right?  
Natsuki barely registered the fact that Monika was still talking. “He told me never to tell anyone, but when I heard about you, it brought back those memories, and…” Her voice faltered. “I felt… guilty. I wanted to help you, but I don’t think you wanted to talk, so I tried to act like everything was fine, but then…”  
The fog cleared out of Natsuki’s head and she took in Monika’s words. “You - Masaru - what?! Monika, why didn’t you say anything? You should have gotten help!”  
With a shake of her head, Monika sighed. “I just… didn’t want to be a burden to others.”

What the hell? That was the worst reason Natsuki had ever heard for anything. When you’re in trouble, you get help.  
Natsuki reached across the table and put her hand on her friend‘s. “Monika, you could have at least talked to _us._ We would have listened.”  
Monika just looked at her, and after a moment’s pause, Natsuki felt like a huge hypocrite.  
“…Maybe I should talk with you and the others, myself,” she said. “But you need to go to the police or something. Report Masaru.”  
“You think so?” Monika asked.  
The doubt in her voice aggravated Natsuki. “No, duh! You can’t let him get away with this!”  
Monika actually smiled despite the pain and sorrow of the day. “I guess I should follow your example, huh?”  
Natsuki felt a pang in her chest, but it wasn’t as bad as past references to that night had been. “Yeah. You can’t just let bad things happen to you if you can help it.”  
“That’s good advice,” Monika said with a light chuckle.

Natsuki could feel regret rising to the surface, so she rushed to release it. “Monika, I’m sorry for snapping at you. I was just…” Natsuki fell short. Did she have a good reason for her outburst, or was she just naturally mean to others? The latter seemed likely; after all, she-  
“Natsuki,” Monika said, interrupting her worries, “I told you that I understand. You don’t have to apologize.”  
Relieved, Natsuki relaxed and gave a small smile. “Thanks.”

A silence fell between them, but it didn’t last long. Natsuki was plagued by a looming thought, something she wanted to hear Monika’s perspective on.  
“Hey…” she asked hesitantly, “did you still like Masaru… after what he did?”  
Monika slowly nodded. “What he did was terrible, but he was still my boyfriend… I thought, at the time, that he was worth it, but I know now that I was wrong.” After a second, she tilted her head. “Why do you ask?”  
“I was just wondering,” Natsuki said dismissively.  
Monika gave her a curious look, but didn’t press.

Natsuki helped clean up the aftermath of the party. Monika had made it very clear that anyone who left behind a big mess would face some sort of consequences, so it wasn’t too bad. The main issue was all the plastic cups and half-eaten food that had been left behind.  
As she collected plates, Natsuki reflected on her most recent life choice; she wanted to tell Monika, Sayori, and Yuri about what had happened to her, and after expressing that desire to Monika, the talk was scheduled for that evening. The two girls were glad that Natsuki was well and they readily agreed to meet up. Natsuki was riddled with anxiety, but she knew she had to do it. And now, she had faith that she _could_ do it with the support of her friends.

Monika wanted to hold off on getting her own situation straightened out until Natsuki had told her story, which she had struggled to accept. Natsuki had to come to terms with the realization that the both of them were downplaying their own issues, and neither of them would make any progress if they kept claiming that the other had it worse.

Tonight would be the night that she finally let her feelings out.


	10. Remember

Natsuki and Monika sat together on the latter’s black leather couch while Sayori and Yuri were seated in a pair of chairs that matched it. The atmosphere was making Natsuki uncomfortable. It felt like she was giving a business presentation, or confessing her crimes to a jury, the way everyone had their attention on her. They stared at Natsuki expectantly, which only served to compound her growing nerves. This was a mistake. Of course she wouldn’t be able to do this. Why did she think she could in the first place?

A warmth on Natsuki’s clenched fist drew her from her thoughts, and she looked down to see that it was Monika’s hand over her own. Monika gave her a reassuring smile, and Natsuki remembered that she wasn’t alone.

“So… I guess you all know about P- um, my dad.” Natsuki spoke slowly, unsure of her words and still fighting back regret.  
The others waited, their faces showing their sympathy.  
Talking about Papa came so unnaturally to Natsuki, she had to clear her mind and just speak without thinking. “It’s been going on for years, ever since Mom left. He started drinking, and…” She took a deep breath. “And also hitting me. Most nights, he got drunk and took his anger out on me. He would yell, blame me for stuff I didn‘t do, slap me…”

Natsuki had to pause and mentally recuperate. She felt lightheaded, almost like everything was a dream; she could hardly believe she was really confessing the details of her abusive past after spending so much time and energy hiding it.  
Yuri sat with her hands folded on her lap, her expression solemn. In contrast to her, Sayori was leaning forward attentively, her eyes wide and shining.

Monika’s presence next to Natsuki gave her the strength to continue.  
She drew a shaky breath. “It got worse over time. He just got angrier and would shove me around, p-punch me…” She hesitated, but only for a moment - she knew she had to persevere. “…I hated it. But then one night…”  
Natsuki had tried to forget this memory, to suppress the guilt it brought, but she knew she had to get it off her chest. She remembered what Yuri had said at the party, about getting out of her comfort zone. It was time for Natsuki to follow in her footsteps.

…

It had been years since Mama left, and Natsuki had grown to fear the night. Sitting at home, knowing what awaited her upon Papa’s return, made her restless. The slam of a car door had become her cue to brace herself. Every now and then, there were blissful nights where Papa ignored her and immediately crashed, but those were rarities.

Nighttime had come too quickly for Natsuki, as often seemed to be the case, and she found herself waiting for Papa. She had determined that he always came home in one of two mental states: irrationally angry (the norm) or exhausted and unresponsive (a relieving break.) It had been a while since the last ‘good’ night, so Natsuki was hoping she would get lucky.

As her anticipation of his return grew, time gradually slowed to a crawl. Lying in bed, Natsuki stared up at a clock on the wall and waited. She struggled to believe that each tick only accounted for one second, considering how long it felt.  
Natsuki flinched at the telltale sound of Papa’s arrival. He usually wasn‘t home this early. She heard the front door open and shut - not very loudly, which was a good sign - and his footsteps echo off the wooden floor and throughout the house. Releasing a breath, Natsuki allowed herself to relax. She would have already known if Papa was in a bad mood, so she must have been safe that night.

His steps moved toward her bedroom, and Natsuki’s mind flared with doubt. He didn‘t sound loud and clumsy like on normal nights, so why was he coming for her? He hadn’t wished her goodnight since Mama left, so that couldn’t be it.  
In her confusion, Natsuki forgot to pretend that she was sleeping. Papa slowly stepped into the room and paused, watching his daughter. She looked up at him, and was shocked to see tears brimming in his eyes.

“Natsuki…” Papa breathed, crouching down to be level with her, “I…”  
He hesitated. Now that he had come closer, Natsuki could smell the alcohol. Of course he was drunk, but that didn’t explain anything.  
Reaching out, Papa put a hand on her shoulder. “I just want you to know… I’m sorry.”  
Natsuki stared at him, wide-eyed. His words were slurred, but he sounded fairly coherent. Was Papa actually _apologizing_ for his behavior? He had never done so before.  
“I wish I could change…” Papa droned on, apparently unaware of Natsuki‘s stunned reaction. “I really do. But I don‘t know…” He trailed off, quietly mumbling to himself. Shaking his head, Papa met Natsuki’s eyes as tears fell from his own. “You know I love you… right?”

It hurt Natsuki deeply to see her father like this. To know that he cared about her, and worried that she had forsaken him. Natsuki had struggled to accept her feelings regarding Papa ever since the incident, but she knew in her heart that she still loved him, despite how he treated her.  
“I-I do.” She swallowed before adding, “I love you too, Papa.”  
He smiled then, and pulled Natsuki up into a hug. “Please… just don’t forget…” he murmured as he held her. “Okay?”  
“Okay.”  
Papa released Natsuki and stood up. He lingered for a moment, then turned around and left the room.

Natsuki laid back on her bed in a whirlwind state of confusion and disbelief. That exchange had been a lot to take in, but it gave her a light sense of hope. He hadn’t completely lost himself. Maybe he could change?  
Papa had said to never forget that he loved her. Natsuki clung to those words like a lifeline. She had faith that he could get better. He just needed time.

The next night, Natsuki had gone to bed early to be awoken by his fist smashing into her face. Papa hit her again, and again. Her eyes stung with tears and blood. He grabbed Natsuki and slammed her into the headboard of her bed, cracking it. Eventually he left, and Natsuki was broken.  
That night, she ran away from home.


	11. Convince

Natsuki could hardly speak. After telling her story and reliving the events of the past week, everything she had suppressed was coming back to the surface; her pain, her sorrow, her guilt. Overwhelmed by emotion, Natsuki fell into a sort of trance. She was unaware of her friends in the room, or even the room itself. The only thing on her mind was that memory, and what else she could have done.  
Gradually, Natsuki returned to reality. She was leaning against Monika, still crying, but more in control of herself. Sayori and Yuri had joined her on the couch, as well. The four of them sat together, and Natsuki struggled to collect her thoughts.

Now that her friends knew the whole story, they must have hated her. She had betrayed Papa’s trust. _Her own father._ What kind of daughter was she? Sure, she had tried to convince herself that he deserved what he got, but then why did she feel so guilty? She already knew the answer to that question. Papa had asked for Natsuki to have faith in him, and after she agreed to, she hadn’t given him a chance, not even a single day, before giving up and going directly against his request. Why? Because she wasn’t strong enough. She should have at least _tried_ for his sake, but she was just too weak-willed. No, it wasn’t Papa who was at fault: Natsuki was the one who deserved what she was getting.

Pushing off against the couch, Natsuki shakily sat up and looked at her friends. “I’m sorry.”  
Monika gently touched Natsuki’s hand. “You don‘t have to apologize for anything,” she said, her voice light and soft.  
Natsuki shook her head. “No. My dad… I promised him…”  
“Natsuki, you did the right thing,” Monika insisted, but she couldn’t be right. Hadn’t she heard any of what Natsuki had said earlier?  
“Y-You don’t understand,” Natsuki continued. “I betrayed him. I never-”  
Monika grabbed her by the shoulders, startling her. “Natsuki! I don’t think _you_ understand. _You did the right thing._ I know you have regrets. You were in a terrible situation, but what matters is that you aren’t in that situation now, and will never be in it again, so please, _please_ don’t talk yourself into thinking you did something wrong. Okay?”

“I…” Natsuki lost her train of thought. What Monika was saying made sense, but she might not have been grasping the severity of Natsuki’s betrayal.  
“One day,” she eventually said. “Just one day after I promised to have faith, and I called the cops on him.”  
“You should have,” Monika said firmly. “You can’t live like that.”  
“Natsuki…” Yuri spoke up, and Natsuki turned to face her. “I know you feel guilty, but please… believe us. You did what anyone else would have done.”  
Next to Yuri, Sayori gave a solemn nod. The normally-cheerful girl looked weary, but her eyes pleaded with Natsuki to listen.

Everyone was telling her she did the right thing. Then why did Natsuki feel so terrible?  
“I don’t understand…” she managed.  
“What don’t you understand?” Monika softly asked.  
Natsuki shifted in her seat. “Why does it feel so… wrong?”  
Monika sighed heavily, then looked Natsuki in the eyes, her face set with determination. “Because you got used to it. You got used to how your father acted and tried to convince yourself that it was normal, which he encouraged. Trust me when I say _it wasn’t._ I know it’s hard, but you have to fix your mindset. You were abused, and reacted accordingly when you called the police. There’s nothing more to it.”

It did make sense. It explained why Natsuki felt so conflicted; she had become conditioned to the abuse. At this point, Natsuki was starting to believe her friends might be right. She actually might have done the right thing.  
“…Okay,” Natsuki said hesitantly.  
Monika raised her eyebrows. “‘Okay,’ what?”  
“I understand. I think… I think I need help.” Natsuki still struggled to wrap her head around her situation. “Like therapy.”  
Finally, Monika looked relieved. “I absolutely agree.”

Natsuki slowly stood up and was hit by a wave of exhaustion, triggering a yawn. The others rose as well, and she stopped to look at them. They smiled back, and she felt a warm feeling in her chest. Natsuki was already regretting standing, but she had to say something.  
“I, um…” She paused, then gave up on trying to not sound corny. “I really appreciate you guys. You know, for listening, and…” Natsuki’s voice caught in her throat. She hadn’t even realized she was getting emotional. “…And being there for me. I just want you to know that.”

“Oh, Natsuki…” Monika stepped forward and embraced her. Sayori and Yuri joined in to make it the sappiest hug of Natsuki’s life, but she didn’t mind. At least, not then; she would get embarrassed thinking about it later. But for that moment, Natsuki let herself bask in the warmth of her friends.

Natsuki recognized a feeling welling up within herself; one that had resurfaced just before she had made the most important decision of her life. It was hope. She held onto it with no intent of letting go, for it had yet to lead her astray.

Natsuki knew now that everything would _not_ be normal. Never again. No, everything would be _better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the hiatus! I went through a period where my creative outlet moved from writing to music, but I managed to finish this chapter. I don't know when the next chapter will be finished, but it will very likely be the last one, so stay tuned.


End file.
